i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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