I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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