i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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