Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize