A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
