You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
