What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize