i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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