My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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