When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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