How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I think I just sharted jello shots
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize