Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
