What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize