just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
