it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
