My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
