Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
