Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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