I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
