I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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