My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
