you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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