I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
A bitchslap is in order.
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