So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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