dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It's never too late to be topless.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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