I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
