Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
