:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
