Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Randomize
