YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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