Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
