I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
