yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
