my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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