they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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