can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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