I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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