i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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