My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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