I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
