Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
