We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
what day is it and did you see me today?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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