I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
