All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
