i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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