just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
