I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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