Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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