Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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