if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just had sex on a roof
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
