He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
