After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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