Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
