She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
