Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
