never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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