"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
