I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
