I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
