Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
