I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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