these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
