So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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