she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
