I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
