so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
