I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
