It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize