Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
