Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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