I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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